College Buddies

So I knew these three guys back in college.  You know the ones:  The easygoing, happy-go-lucky types who never bothered to go to class and always knew how to get you hooked up.  For quite a few of us, they were our best friends.  And as I wax nostalgic today, I wonder what are the chances of catching up with them again, perhaps on Facebook or Craigslist.  My best buddies from a simpler time of life.

Jim Beam.  Jack Daniels.  José Cuervo.

Whoever said three is a crowd doesn’t know what they’re talking about.  We’d even (ill-advisedly) let a fourth tag along every once in a while, a charmer named Johnny Walker who was always broke, bummed drinks off the rest of us and stole our girls.

I wonder where these fellas are today.  My guess is that one went to law school, another is still playing rock ‘n roll in dive bars for tips, and the last one was buried in a pauper’s grave somewhere.  Maybe I’ll look for them under “Missed Connections:  100 Proof.”

I try not to live in the past, so it’s not that often that I think of college days.  When I do, I don’t bother to don the rose-colored glasses.  My college experience was not what one would characterize as halcyon, really more like a pain in the ass.  I did a few things right (such as ducking and dodging the constant flood of illegal drugs in which the campus soaked like a bloody rag), but I also made a lot of mistakes, some of which proved I was dumber than a doornail.

I will never forget a college roommate who justified his drinking and drugging by insisting that the time to do it is when you’re young.  If not now, when?  When I’m a sad old man who’s a drunk in the street?

I didn’t know those were the choices.  (And this was one of my better roommates!)

My three college buddies came to mind today in connection with my first experience at Kaiser.  That place is nothing if not efficient.  It is a veritable factory, where the goal appears to be to process as many patients as possible in the shortest time possible.  The brave new world of managed care.

I like my new doctor well enough, and I appreciate that I can email her and actually receive a response.  I like the convenience of “one stop shopping” with the lab and pharmacy being onsite.  It annoys me no end, however, that I explained that I needed a particular test, was told I don’t need it, went down the hall for my bloodwork, then was called a few hours after I got home because I’ve been scheduled for that test after all.

How does that song go?  “All doctors have beans in their ears, beans in their ears, beans in their ears…”

What tops that is that I received an email from my new doctor asking me to undergo a test that I clearly don’t need.  After using a few choice four-letter words, I emailed her back to explain the situation in detail.  She emailed back again asking that I consider doing it anyway.

Jim, Jack, José — I need you guys!

 

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