Hey! All you last minute procrastinators had better get on the stick. There are only 102 days left until Christmas.
Before you start pummeling me, allow me to assure you that there is evidence aplenty of the impending arrival of Santa. In fact, word on the street is that the big man has put on mandatory overtime for the elves on account of the lateness of the hour.
I don’t know what it is that has led me to begin humming bell songs. You know, the ones about jingle bells, silver bells, carol of the bells. Ding dong.
At first, I thought it was just the festive atmosphere surrounding preparations for my grandniece’s upcoming birthday party that was getting to me. She’ll be two years old, so this Christmas will be the first time she will really be able to appreciate all the hoopla. Last December, she was barely a year old and I don’t think she was able to understand too much about what was going on.
I guess it’s probably the snow that did it. Sure, here in northern California, the mercury has climbed over 100°F daily for weeks and all of us are dripping sweat and wilting like buds that are past their primes. But I hear the Rocky Mountains had a pretty good snowstorm last week. Fellow blogger Trouble Face Mom of Calgary, Alberta (yes, that’s Canada) thoroughly entertained me with her tale of how she dealt with three consecutive days of snow. She was starting to get depressed, considering it’s only September and officially still summer. So her family took the only logical course of action. They put up the tree, roasted a turkey and had Christmas.
What really got to me, however, was a visit to Sam’s Club. We needed to pick up hot dogs and buns for a church function. But mostly, it was a water run. You see, water is always on our minds these days. Between the ongoing drought, the forest fires and the heat wave, some days water is all we think about. And when we’re not thinkin’ it, we’re drinkin’ it. The water here is contaminated, so we purify tap water and still have to buy bottled water. Cases and cases of it.
I did a double take right after pushing a shopping cart into that cavernous warehouse. There it was, right in front of the checkout registers. Artificial trees all lit up in red and green and gold. The regular green kind and the ones with fake white needles that are supposed to look as if they have been snowed upon. Globular ornaments that looked like miniatures of the big balls from Wipeout. Flocking.
You read me right. Flocking, for heaven’s sake. Faux snow. In September.
I know, this is California, we need fake snow because we never get any of the genuine item. I’d be happy to just get a little of our “poor man’s snow.” You know, that wet stuff that drips from the eaves and causes (gasp) puddles. I have it on good authority that the proper name of this substance is “rain.” This is how I know: There was a sign posted on the local frozen yogurt shop yesterday, offering a 10% discount on all froyo purchased when it is raining. Believe me, they don’t have to worry about losing so much as a penny in receipts.
So yes, I do realize that we are supposed to have Thanksgiving and Halloween before José Feliciano begins singing “Feliz Navidad.” The back to school sales are still going on and the stores are just now beginning to pull out the dusty boxes full of cardboard pumpkins and Indian corn.
My father insists that, back in the day, it was against the law to so much as mention the C word before Black Friday. So you tell me what a ubiquitous box store is doing with the PVC and LED Tannenbaum displays in mid-September. The least they could do is wait until after Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur, don’t you think?
Well, there’s only one possible explanation for this madness. Clearly, the stores are trying to remind us to get crackin’ before it’s too late.
After all, there are only 102 days left until Christmas.