Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while may recall that, before I was laid off from work, my wife and I used to travel a lot between my job in the far reaches of southern California and our families up here in northern California. Among the skills I acquired in the course of our travels was how to write a blog post on my phone. While doing so is a pain in the patoot, I must admit that it has come in handy.
Like right now, for instance. Because my faithful, trusty laptop has officially been jacked.
I don’t mean hijacked — just plain jacked. As in the cheese from Monterey, the card between the ten and the queen, the tool you use to raise up your car when it has a flat tire, the fast food clown who serves breakfast 24 hours a day, and Jill’s companion in going up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
No, my computer hasn’t been waylaid to Cuba. It’s still right here, although confined to sick bay. In the capable hands of my wife the computer doctor, my computer is receiving a massive dose of antibiotics and getting some well-deserved rest. We shall see how it is responding tomorrow. We hope to avoid having to take it to the computer hospital.
Apparently, one of my apps sneezed and my computer contracted a Trojan virus. Either that or it was having safe sex while I was out grocery shopping. I figure that’s the only time it could have happened, because I’m always using it unless I’m asleep. And then I’m dreaming about using it.
I’m really not sure how this happened. I mean, I know my computer had a really rough Valentine’s Day. You see, it had recently broken up with Mr. Orange, known affectionately as Orangey, the phone charger that always remained plugged into it. It was so convenient to be able to charge my phone while I was using my computer. But alas, nothing lasts forever. Orangey began to fray, no longer did its job very well, and had to pass on to the happy phone charger grounds in the sky.
Still, it really hasn’t been that long since the breakup, so I certainly didn’t expect my computer to be going for the Trojans so soon. As much as it saddens me, the conclusion is inescapable. My computer is a slut.
Get well cards recorded in the comments section will be delivered to my computer promptly. The little hussy.